he wants to bone in the snuggie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
