I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
