You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
