Non-Jews are for practice
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
