Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
