if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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