I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
