You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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