he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
