I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
