At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize