she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize