The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
