did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
