i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize