super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
