the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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