just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
