On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
