why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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