Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Quick, to the slutcave!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
