my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
