There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
