Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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