birth control should be required to get into college
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to align my fucking chakras
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
