she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
