I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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