I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
