the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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