Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
