Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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