Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
