I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
