Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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