We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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