those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
