he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize