This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
