My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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