It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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