Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
