dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
