I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
