Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize