Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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