Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
