miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
