Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
