fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
