just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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