i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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