the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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