This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
