I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
