I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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