At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
