dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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