i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
