I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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