I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
