I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
