Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
