U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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