So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
