I am spending my child support on dildos
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
