I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
