omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
