I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so let's talk penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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