Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize