? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
