I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
