So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
